Sobering...

Dear Diary,

I feel awkward writing this as I am addressing this to you for the first time. But you know why people begin writing in their diaries with the "Dear Diary" addressing??...Guess!...ya baby you got it right. Its because you're a good listener. Deep down inside every man (and I don't know about women) wants to be listened to. Not understood, unlike women. ;)

Anyways I saw a movie - Catch Me If You Can - for the 3rd time. There is a mellowed sadness associated with it. Frank (Leonardo Di Caprio), feels a certain sense of regret and dejection upon seeing his mom married to his dad's friend and that they have a 4-year old daughter. This comes at the end of the movie. So here's it I spoiled it for you. Actually I haven't. Go, watch it if you haven't. Anyways, Speilberg (the director of this movie) shows the scenes of his dad dancing along with his mom, as Frank is reminded of it, when he sees his mom through a window without her noticing him. The scenes of the past as a mini montage with the mellow music that makes you feel right inside Frank's shoes. You'll know it if you've ever seen your mom and dad fight and know that they just live together for you kids..... It made me feel sad.

You know what....I fought with my mom. I must say it was legitimate on my side but that it was wrong I did it. When you stay in your home and see your mom/dad everyday and say you picked on some issue, then the next day you'd talk with her/him and she/he would talk with you as though it was such a routine thing. You'd never even know you'd been through it the previous day. But things are a bit different when you're abroad, on a loan, for your studies, and when you talk with your mom/dad. You got to be extra considerate and generous in granting them that feeling that they've won an argument. Just grant it. Give it. Because if you didn't, you'd hear your mom cry, shout so loud over the phone that, your roomies walk past you with a giggles on how you're getting blasted on saturday morning when you're still on your bed. You gotta give in at times in life to gain somewhere. You must grow up sometimes. I just feel I don't have a choice, but to grow up. I am foolish, immature, confused, chaotic, crazy, humourous, amorous and a tyranosaurus. I became 22 last week, exactly. You can't help it. Even your age tells you, that, please at least now, stop being foolish. You got to stop being a kid and start being an adult at some time in life. Sometimes, you feel bad that, that 'some time' is 'high time' now.

Its hard to let your loved ones know that they're wrong. At some point in life, their crazy ol' ego sat down too fast with its fat butt on their heads. And then it refused to grant that he/she with a power of acceptance, repentence, humility and most of all good ol' power/mind to listen. As a direct consequence, when you go and tell mommy that "you've erred here!", you get anger, curses and bucket full of emotion pouring forth and rushing towards you. You can choose to run, but anyways its going to eat you up or drown you. Drown you too. I'm going to grant her one thing as a result. The illusion that whatever she does remains justful, correct, legitimate and oh by the way, perfect. As a good son, I wanted to save her from that illusion. But boy, she wants it too badly. I'll tell you what, if people persist on being in state of not accepting advise, its good for you. Don't waste your time on it. Just keep cruising life. And another piece of advise to you. If someone is advising you, be it right or wrong as it may first appear to your mind, just don't jump at them. They do it cos they love you, and don't want you to do something; something that they think is wrong. They may be wrong, they also can be right. Just don't jump. Listen. It always makes the person at the other end at least feel that you're buying his/her advice. You buy it or you don't. That's your headache, and your life. But at least listen. And if you have a mind, you will at least think about what the person advised you on. If you're so damn sure that you're not wrong, thats it, don't buy that piece of shit and be as you are. But if you feel, and since you have a conscience, you definitely will know if you've erred or not. If you feel you were wrong and the person gave you the right advice, you can secretly know that they love you. I say secretly, because, you can still choose not to change and remain that way, and know that the other person was right in his/her point.

I've always encountered situations, in my life, while debating on some issue with friends, the enthusiasm to make others see your point. You do it on a continuous basis of debating back and forth only on listening to what the other person says, thinking on how good is your side as against that point put forth by him/her, and then firing your counter for that point. But at some point during the debate, one side, the losing side, refuses to accept the other side, even though it knows its wrong and that it has a flaw or that its theory breaks down. Due to lack of humility, I'd like to say that in most cases, when I've lost a debate I've gracefully accepted the other person's PoV (but note that I've said "...in most cases..."). You know why I didn't accept in those few cases? It was because I either genuinely believed I was right, or because of the fat @$$ ego sitting on my head. Randists must forgive me here, because I hereby state that most of the trouble in this world is due to you guys and your attitude.

Anyways, whatever, just remember, that listening is a virtue.

Regards,

Me.