Emparrassing moments....Oops!

There are days you go through without absolutely no idea on how proud you ought to be for not screwing up. If that were to be the way the world functioned, mothers after gossiping with next-door mother (about the next-to-next door mother), fathers after discussing earth-shattering politics about how their colleague Ramakrishnan Pandurangan panders to their boss with your best friend's father, brothers after bullying their younger siblings, sisters after giggling with their sisters, friends after laughing at their own jokes thinking how brilliant it turned out, etc. would all keep walking about like constipated English Lords. And of course, if they'd raise their chin any higher than proud peacocks and walk about, we would have lot of footage for 'Just for laughs' on Pogo.

Now, my case is different. I have been the master of all screw-ups and lord of all idiots ever since me was a baby. I would walk about as if I had achieved a Perfect 10. For instance, there is a picture of me (age 1x), my elder brother (age 4x) and my grandmother's elder sister (Very Grand-mother) (age 600x). It looks like this -



I had no shame whatsoever. I was heartily laughing in that pic, err...with the great sigh of relief.

And then, as I grew up, I have enquired about pregnancy to my mom in front of all relatives, asked my dad about the meaning of a word he used when he was having a heated argument with my mom, sung in high-pitched lilted voice when my dad, mom and her in-laws where cutting vegetables silently, bed-wetted till about age 9 until my mom yelled at me in front of couple of other aunties, cried at a barber shop mumbling sad invectives at the barber with my dad looking helplessly in his best possible way to show that he had nothing to do with that crying kid, misspelled my principal Shanmugham's name as 'Shunmonkey' (EPIC FAIL!) with absolute confidence in front of my social science teacher, rushed to the school lavatory holding my pee (literally), stared at cleavages realizing much later that I'm being stared at angrily, mispronounced 'popcorn' with the p's and c's interchanged, etc.

I have done quite well for myself and people around me to provide them with enough material to repent on why they were associated with me. Some people even light diyas to this date at temples praying that they are spared of the stigma due to the mark left (like a "well left" by Rahul Dravid in Indian cricket) by the embarrassing moments.

Today, I added a couple of more to my list. Do you ever blank out when you are in the process of making a point or reporting something very important. My voicemail went something like this "Hey Joe, I have been working on installing this bullshit in this fricking computer which is the 8810 model you had specified, and when doing so I saw that this process was not moving forward due to..S...tick tick 1..I...tick tick 2..L..tick tick 3..E..tick tick 4..N..tick tick 5..C..tick tick 6..E..tick tick 7...ahhh..ahhbb....the...RAM not getting detected by the blah blah blah". I got no call back for the rest of the day. "Damn, shit, sucks" are some of the words that went immediately through my wonder-brain. I went blank, abso-fucking-lute-lee-kicking-ass!

Next, to wash it off, I went to the restroom, for well...shall we say, just like that, for general cleanup. When you go with such a notion, you start to notice different things you need to do when all along it never caught your attention. It's like going into a shopping mall and ending up buying a pair of gym gloves, when it would have never crossed your mind otherwise, cos you don't realize that it's for people who lift weights like on a regular basis and build actual muscles that are the equivalent of Ds or probably DDs. Anyway, I went in and started noticing that there are particles hanging in the inside of my nose. Now don't go "Gross!!" or "EWWWWW...". Nose is a nose and it has particles. Fact of life. Deal with it. I started cleaning up the old attic, which is when John Doe walked in stopped, stared at me for like 2 seconds, and walked to do his job. I froze frame in the meanwhile, washed my hands and walked the hell out of there. I mean, what's so wrong with the world? It's a restroom! People embarrass themselves all the time there, talk about whistling to unsuccessfully cover-up the loud noise your body produced or when you laugh like a hyena over the phone with your buddy while taking the dump which is just when your silent partner in crime sitting next door, unknown to you till then clicks his tongue tschk in total disapproval.

There is only so much you can do for the society and yourself. I am pretty sure I will be a part of many more embarrassing incidents, both for 1. me and 2. the ones around me. If I can still laugh heartily like 'mini-me' (above), I can safely pass it all to category 2. One day my kid will be asked to spell his school's principal 'Hemprasad' and he will make me....'embarrassed', maybe? I see a hand going up...yes?